[June 1st, 2022] Location: Mission of Hope, Santiago, Dominican Republic

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“I’m ready to leave this country of fatigue… this country of exhaustion… this city of… tired.”

~ Zachary Johnson, squadmate

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It’s Sunday. We have one full day left here at Mission of Hope.

And frankly, I’m very tired. The campus, although beautiful, is undergoing some renovations, and there are new teams arriving here every day, which makes coming home after long days of ministry pretty crowded. Some of us are coming down with head colds and stuffy noses. “How are you?” you ask the Squad. “Tired,” we all answer consistently. Don’t get me wrong, any month on the Race is a good month, but dang…

May has been tough. 

Leaving Costa Rica and all of the beautiful relationships we forged there were hard to leave. Entering into a two-day “debrief” where our Alumni Team Leaders left brought about more goodbyes. Arriving at Mission of Hope with the rest of my squad never allowed for the familiarity and comforts of living with a small team. Anxiety has settled on my shoulders and rampaged my mind. My body is begging for sleep, regardless of how I rested the night before. The weekdays seemed packed, and the weekends, however chill, are still laced with unsettlement. This month has been a blur. It hasn’t quite seemed like the Race, either. In my mind, it’s become a month of limbo before launching into a “phase two” of the Race: new leadership, new teams, new country, unknown ministry. 

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Beginning in February, I dove headfirst into the Psalms. I clung to David as his songs advocated for the two of us. When David cried, “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” and “hide not your face from me,” I wept with him. And during this month of May, I’ve completed my reading of the Psalms, highlighting the copious amounts of times that David ends his collection of songs with “praise the LORD!” and resting in the comforting presence of a Father that will never wish ill upon me.

Back in March when I was resting in Nicaragua, I read through Psalm 94, a piece commanding praise, and a thought came to me. 

“When the heart is correctly aligned, it will praise the One who made it.”

Hm.

David really was a man after God’s own heart. Him, and the others that composed these songs, wrote every word with conviction. He wasn’t just telling people to “sing to the LORD, bless his name; tell of his salvation from day to day.” He was doing it himself. Wherever he may have been, he was singing his heart out and strumming his harp with crazed passion. He was obsessed with the God Almighty, and he wanted others to be, too. And when the greatness of God  becomes more than just head knowledge, and our hearts align to the truth of Scripture, we want nothing else than to praise Him. 

Those moments when we’re smacked with the revelations of God aren’t simply a passing thought. We catch them, and we hold onto them tightly grasping for understanding, chewing on it tastefully. So taste and see, friends, that the Lord is good. 

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Being here has made me weary.

My body is racked with fatigue. Ministry days are long and tiresome. May has had a sense of familiarity to it. Maybe because the air smells like ultimate-frisbee-summer-league season, and the pretty sunsets evoke the need to speed down the interstate, and the heat compels me to go dance my heart out in front of my bathroom mirror… but also, it reminds me of what living at home is like. Waking up before the sun, going to the gym, heading to work for the day, eating PB&J’s, coming home and being too tired to do anything. Watching a movie with friends is a great way to unwind sometimes, but staying up too late sets the rest of the week up for failure.

Sometimes life becomes a monotonous cycle, and while you would think that my life in the Dominican Republic would be vastly different from yours in the States, sometimes it feels exactly the same. There’s no time in our day to dedicate three hours in the morning to reading our Bibles because “we’re too busy.” Life can get in the way, and when we don’t regularly visit Eli’s workshop (Max Lucado fans, that’s for you), we get caught up in the stars and dots of the world. 

When the heart is correctly aligned, it will seek the One who made it.

Could I write more? Absolutely. There’s a lot to unpack about this month, I’m sure. But if I haven’t made my point clear, I’m tired. Maybe I’ll get around to writing about ministry this month, but I’ve been running around for long enough. I’m ready to get my brain back to full capacity.

So I’m calling us all higher.

Let’s rest, friends.

Let us be still and know that I Am God.